No matter where you land on current issues, we can all agree the draining political news cycle has people on both sides PRETTY TENSE. In order to alleviate some of the aggression and bring light to a kinda dark and depressing world, we asked our words intern Lindsey to write something for our blog — she is, after all, the girl in the pizza costume writing her funny feelings out over at FunnyGirlsFinishLast.com & making us all beg to know what’s true and what’s fictitious from her fantastic mind. As usual, Linds did not disappoint. Read on!

Movies to watch in order to avoid the black hole that is the news cycle by Lindsey Wente 

featured photo credit: Jesse Fails

Life is hard for a lot of people right now. The seasons are changing, leaving us with less daylight. Hurricane Florence left a lot of devastation. And if you’re anything like me, politics have been ruining your day, your night, and your weekend. It’s time to channel that hopeless feeling towards the screen, because this is America, and screens are fantastic distractions.

Here is a list of movies you can watch to forget that life is kind of garbage right now:

 

1.  To All the Boys I Loved Before – Netflix – IMDB

This fluffy teen romantic comedy could never happen in real life, and that’s the point. It’s styled so well to blind you with bright jewel tones, and quirky high school tropes. You’ll be asking yourself, “Kavanaugh who?”

The first thing you will notice about the film is Lara Jean’s wardrobe. How does she have enough time and energy to dress that fashionable? In today’s world, I spend five minutes in the morning contemplating if it’s all worth it. I never have time to pair a skirt with chic combat boots. After watching, I bought three new pairs of shoes, and a whole new face regimine from Sephora to compensate for my dreams falling apart right before my eyes.

The second thing you will notice is Peter Kavinsky, played by Noah Centineo. Yes he’s playing a seventeen-year-old, but he’s got that vulnerable jock thing on lock, and that will not stop you from scrolling through the actor’s Instagram. He’s 22 in real life. So it’s not that weird, right?

This Netflix original film is an adaptation based on the novel by Jenny Han of the same name. It is reminiscent of those teen movies from the 90’s that left you with questions like:

How will this bet play out?

Or

Will they ever discover her secret?

Or

How will this bet play out?

To All the Boys I Loved Before takes you to an alternate reality where everyone is stylish, and where jocks are actually nice dudes who don’t sexually assault people at parties in the 80’s regardless of what it says on their calendars.  

 

2. Sierra Burgess is a Loser – Netflix – IMDB

Okay, I want to clear up one thing. Who was the one person who watched Stranger Things and thought, Wow! That Barb is a tremendous actress? Why did we want to save Barb? Why did we want justice for Barb? She was terrible at delivering her lines, and we all know it. Shannon Purser is a totally adorable person who is probably lovely. I’m all about representing different body types on the screen. I’m all about films representing people who look like real people. However, if we’re digging into the pool of average joes who can act, couldn’t Netflix find someone who doesn’t smile while they pretend to cry?

Sierra Burgess is a Loser made me uncomfortable and confused, like Brett Kavanaugh’s hearing, but this uncomfortable feeling I could sit with, because I knew it wasn’t real. There are so many things this movie gets wrong.

First, there were transphobic and homophobic jokes. The “bullying” characters made the negative jokes towards the LGBTQ+ community, but the “nice” characters didn’t correct them, and that’s a major issue.

There’s one highlight in the movie. The major crush of the film? Jamey, played by our new boyfriend Noah Centineo (remember? From To All the Boys I loved Before.) Sierra loves Jamey and even sends him pictures of cute animals, but Jamey thinks the person sending him those pictures is Veronica. Veronica is a popular bitchy girl, who might just be misunderstood?

Here are a few things you will experience during this film:

Confusion. You’ll be asking yourself: WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS MOVIE?

Annoyance: Sierra is supposed to be this cute innocent girl, but really she’s just good at manipulating people.

Disturbance: The youth of America is being encouraged to Catfish people and then sing them a song about their insecurities as a form of apology. That’s not an apology.

With all three feelings combined, you’ll forget all about our newly appointed seat on the Supreme Court’s love of beer and screaming baby face. Instead, you’ll be distracted by this poorly written script performed by poorly trained actors, apart from Noah of course.

3. Mamma Mia 2: Here We Go Again! – Universal Pictures – IMDB

I want to start off by saying, I did not see this sober, and that was not by accident. One does not listen to Pierce Brosnan sing whilst sober. I planned, for I knew it was going to be terrible. Amanda Seyfried in a five-shades-too-dark spray tan? Woof. More singing and dancing to ABBA music? Absolutely yes. Singing and dancing to some of the same ABBA songs from the first film? Sign. Me. Up.

This movie forced me to ask myself the important questions like: Where was Meryl? Isn’t Cher in this? How come Amanda Seyfried has no friends who want to come to her hotel? I was too busy asking questions, I forgot about how the government doesn’t care about women. On the screen there were women living their lives, being fierce, and slaying all day every day.

The questions I had about Lily James kissing her teacher were left unanswered and thrown into the back of my mind, because, gosh, those costumes were so pretty. Any doubt I had about the film was wiped away during Colin Firth’s two lines. It turns out,  Amanda Seyfried did have friends, her mother’s pals and her dad’s. The fact that they never figured out who her father is makes no sense at all. There’s DNA testing! It’s fine though. I let it slide, because there’s beautiful wide shots of Greece, AKA Croatia, and groovy choreography.

The final, and most important reason to watch the fluff that is Mamma Mia 2 — Cher.  The film makes us wait until the very last act to see her talent and beauty, and by then I was so drunk I forgot what happened before she arrived. I LIKE BEER OKAY? As Cher walked on with her grace and stylish weave, I bursted out.

WE

HAVE

BEEN

WAITING

FOR

YOU.

If Mamma Mia 2 is the reason Cher is going on tour, I’m all for it. After all, she is the true dancing queen.

I know these films are not at the top of the Academy Awards Nominee list. They say nothing provocative or new, however, they are shiny and colorful, and have great soundtracks. So if you’ve been on Twitter getting into fights with old white dudes who say things like Is it assault if it was thirty years ago?, then turn off your phone and tune into these trashy movies about absolutely nothing!

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